Single and Secure – week 1

I’m leading a small group Thursdays based on Rick Wilkerson Jr’s book, Single and Secure. I thought I’d post here the first handout. Quotes are from his book.

Single and Secure – Week 1: Single and “Stuck?”

Not Everyone Goes Through the Same Stages in Life, nor in the Same Order

My path in life (according to my dad) was supposed to be:

Date→Graduate college→Become a doctor →Marry→Buy a house→Have kids.

Then, I guess, I could die or retire or something. But this path didn’t or hasn’t appeared for or always appealed to me. But as all my friends marry and have kids, I’ve felt stuck deep in the mud. So, I’ve raged against God, “Why do I have to live with this hole in my life?”

Q: What path were you “supposed to” follow? Then what? What stages have you “jumped over” or “missed?” Do you feel “stuck in the mud?”

Another Human Being Can’t Make You Complete

“When you’re stuck, you need something stronger than you and stronger than what you’re stuck in to pull you out.” (p. 14)

“Connecting ‘single’ to ‘stuck’ means you’ve placed the weight of your emotional health, or your financial stability, or your life plans (or all of the above) on a significant other, on some person you hope can pull you out of the mud. That’s too much weight to put on any relationship. Relationships aren’t meant for that, and they don’t work like that. It’s not fair to the other person, but maybe more importantly, it’s not fair to you.” (p. 16-17)

You Are Already Complete in Christ

“You are enough just as you are, in Christ, with or without a life partner. You are valuable, whole, and needed. No human connection could add to who you are. You don’t need a relationship to fix you, heal you, free you, or satisfy you. You are complete now. Period.

• Relationships don’t complete you. They complement you.
• Relationships don’t define you. They develop you.
• Relationships don’t control your life. They beautify your life.
• Relationships don’t make you valuable. They add value to who you already are.” (p. 17-18).

Q: How does media (TV, film, social media) tell us marriage solves all our problems?

“If two dysfunctional, combative, selfish people get married, they don’t magically get along just because they have great chemistry or passionate sex. They just combine their dysfunction under one roof… External changes can’t fix internal issues.” (p.18-19)

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” 1 Jn 4:9-12 NIV

“You might be single, but you’re not stuck. Being single is your blessing, not your problem. It is not an obstacle to your happiness. It is not an awkward stage between childhood and adulthood. It’s not something to be despised, survived, rushed through, or resented.” (p. 29)